Valuing Independence?

If we value independence, if we are disturbed by the growing conformity of knowledge, of values, of attitudes, which our present system induces, then we may wish to set up conditions of learning which make for uniqueness, for self-direction, and for self-initiated learning. - Carl Rogers

Recently, I found the above passage from Carl Rogers. Now Rogers already is something of an intellectual hero of mine. The author of the brilliant and gently provocative On Becoming a Person has long influenced my thinking about all aspects of human relations (from politics to psychotherapy to conflict transformation to friendship). But today, as I read his words I'm thinking of a conflict we're working through in my house.

My DSS doesn't want to go to religious school. Or does he? If only it was clear to me, I'd know what to do.

He has fun when he's there (it's two and a half hours, one day a week), he smiles, shows his work proudly, laughs and participates. But on Sunday mornings, when it's time to go, he complains, frowns, grouches, whines, tantrums, and generally does whatever he can to let us know he doesn't want to go. When we observe to him this pattern (he likes it when he's there, he hates it when it's time to go), he sulks more and continues to protest going.

I wonder what to do? As a parent who in my loving heart of hearts, feels that this experience would be good for DSS (in terms of moral development, sense of belonging/peoplehood, understanding of history), I want him to want to do this. The program is thoughtfully planned. The teachers are gentle, warm and playful. And of course, I know that seven year olds aren't always enthusiastic about things that are good for them. Good nutrition, going to bed once in a while, brushing teeth, and participating in community aren't always valued by kids. As homeschoolers who value interest-initiated learning, we're not above "strewing" provocative new materials or experiences in the kids' paths. But I want to honor DSS's process. His way of learning, his readiness to learn, his interests, his freedom. . . these also are important.

So far, we've been taking him, because each week (after he's been) he says he likes it and will go again. So what's bugging him? Is it the structuring of his time? The pressure to hurry up and get ready to go on Sunday mornings? Is it the nature of "school" -- someone else has decided what's important to learn, when, and how? The fact that he hasn't yet made a good buddy to play with while there? I'll keep asking these questions, waiting and watching for some answers. And this week I'll be driving him to temple Sunday morning.